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5:57 PM | 
Posted by
kender
As usual a comment (linked in title)I made somewhere else has inspired me.
So you are all my witnesses.
Here is my living will.
If I am truly brain dead and need a machine to keep me breathing, pull the plug.
If I am conscience and need a machine to keep me breathing let me live.
If I am a vegetable and cannot swallow put in a feeding tube and hire strippers to perfom nonstop at the foot of my bed. They must be the finest strippers that money can buy. Do this, and continue it until I wake up. I require one lap dance an hour, and if you have to, strap me into a chair so I can receive this therapy.
About that feeding tube. I do NOT want to starve to death.
I want to die of old age or obesity, so I demand that if I need a feeding tube inserted I shall receive 5000 calories a day, with all possible measures taken to prolong my life, including open heart surgery and liposuction......in fact liposuction the hell out of me. Open me up and scrape all of the fat cells off of all of my organs.
I want to live.
I also demand sponge baths by Playboy Bunnies in thong bikinis.......topless!!!!! This is not a selfish request, it is THERAPY!!! No self respecting man is going to remain a vegetable while a Playboy Bunny, in a thong bikini and topless while getting a spong bath from one.
I also want 18 year old Glenfiddich put down my throat at least once an hour.....one, no two....NO four, yeah FOUR shots and hour, every other hour, while I am a vegetable. If anything is going to pull me back it will be GlanFiddich and topless Playboy Bunnies in thong bikinis. I promise.
So you are all my witnesses.
Here is my living will.
If I am truly brain dead and need a machine to keep me breathing, pull the plug.
If I am conscience and need a machine to keep me breathing let me live.
If I am a vegetable and cannot swallow put in a feeding tube and hire strippers to perfom nonstop at the foot of my bed. They must be the finest strippers that money can buy. Do this, and continue it until I wake up. I require one lap dance an hour, and if you have to, strap me into a chair so I can receive this therapy.
About that feeding tube. I do NOT want to starve to death.
I want to die of old age or obesity, so I demand that if I need a feeding tube inserted I shall receive 5000 calories a day, with all possible measures taken to prolong my life, including open heart surgery and liposuction......in fact liposuction the hell out of me. Open me up and scrape all of the fat cells off of all of my organs.
I want to live.
I also demand sponge baths by Playboy Bunnies in thong bikinis.......topless!!!!! This is not a selfish request, it is THERAPY!!! No self respecting man is going to remain a vegetable while a Playboy Bunny, in a thong bikini and topless while getting a spong bath from one.
I also want 18 year old Glenfiddich put down my throat at least once an hour.....one, no two....NO four, yeah FOUR shots and hour, every other hour, while I am a vegetable. If anything is going to pull me back it will be GlanFiddich and topless Playboy Bunnies in thong bikinis. I promise.
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12 comments:
Kender: While you are at it will you make a couple of extra copies of that form. Leave the name blank so that I can put mine in it.
I LOVE IT! However, since I'm a female, I'll have to request nekked men.
Kender if you were PVS a man could be sucking your dick and you wouldn't even notice. In fact you wouldn't notice if you had a dick. Or that another man was in the room let alone sucking your dick.
Janice....Nice language you fould mouthed little troll. Apparently you were out the day they taught humor in your special ED class. Go get a clean drool bib and tell your mommy you need your meds....BTW, are volunteering for that job? Or are you going to wait until you get your operation?
Go shave your armpits.
Janice, you fanticize about some sick stuff. Go back to the trailer park smoke some more crack.
Actually, besides nekkid men, I would also demand twice-daily full body massages and weekly manicure and pedicures.
And Janice, are you volunteering to save Kender by taking care of that little problem yourself?
Methinks that Janice may hate the idea of men being brought out of a coma or PVS due to scotch and broads, but that is probably because she is some outback babe, with the breath of a kangaroo and the sex appeal of a croc and couldn't get a man with more than three teeth to glance at her, and those with the three teeth still need to be in their cups to consider it.
Are you a lot lizard Janice?
Born in Ireland you would think she'd have more sense, but then besides being born in ireland nothing else about her seems irish.
Janice, no one here wants to hear about your dreams and fantasies.
Actually, aside from her choice of language - Janice might be on to something. You should add that task to the list of required activities for the Playboy Bunnies to take care of.
/TJ
... NIF
... The Wide Awakes
Kender, I'll be your nurse bunny.
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