kenderstest

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I am actually making money using this to use twitter to sell things online....who knew it could work.

Dear Obama Supporter,

Now that your President is in office and you have gotten to see exactly what he stands for and what he is about I have a small request. You see, Obama's Spread the Wealth policies are, due to the size of government, a bit slow and I am not going to get anything from Obama spread my way for awhile. That's where you come in.

Flatly put I want you to prove your dedication to Obama's spread the wealth policy and give me money. Sure, I didn't and will do nothing to earn your money, but that is not the point is it? The point is to spread the wealth around. It doesn't matter how much you spread either, although 10% would be a good start but I would feel like a church if you did that so let's say 40% of what you make. Too much? How about 50%?

Seriously...if you believe in these policies put your money where your mouth is and use the donate button in the left hand column and show me the money. I promise all funds will be used to prop up the economy at the local bar and gun store and my brother has even pledged to use some of these funds to help support several single mothers.

Balls in your court. Thanks for your support

if you have 6 teeth, a googly eye and a 4th grade education you probably aren't gonna get far in life...and I always wondered how someone with 6 teeth didn't drool all the time...

I am looking forward to long island...

I cant believe how much I am on stage this year...

I also cant believe I get to perform at the laugh factory in hollywood...

Florida was a great time and I am looking forward to the next trip there...

I think I have finally decided on what bike I am getting next week...

They made the L.A. County fair longer this year which means more money for me...

I am also looking forward to the run of faire coming up...I think I have 3 shows a day...

The Dallas show may be postponed...

The Chicago one wont be...

Nor will Ohio or San Francisco...

My Riverside fans are now sending me their poetry...

I want to go ice skating with Shel again...

The latest article I sold is about facebook...

Cowardice pisses me off...

I think the state should go after deadbeat dads girlfriends too...

The concept of a mental midget in a family of intelligentsia would make a good sitcom...is "intelligentsia" too big a word for someone with an IQ of 80?

I think the part of the patriot act that connected states, so if you owe money to one state none of the states will issue you a license for anything is a good thing...

I think they should lock deadbeat dads in jail...

I know a dead beat dad...and aside from the state he owes many people mucho dinero...they'll never see it though because, well, he's a deadbeat...funny thing about that is, the ways the laws are set up he will never be able to get out from under it...and will die broke after ruining countless more lives...I think it will make a good movie....we could call it the good, the stupid and the broke-ass-deadbeat dad.

We can get the kid that played Corky to play the dead beat dad...but he's gonna need to dumb it down a bit, because frankly a guy with downs syndrome is simply smarter than the deadbeat dad I know...

Even if he doesn't drool...

Early (way too early) this morning, my dog decided to kill a skunk. Oh, the humanity! My first instinct was to just throw it in the trash. It really, really, really stunk. So, I thought about it, and horribly thought, "Gee, I should call animal control to get rid of this thing."

I'm sorry. I'm truly sorry. I have learned, and I promise I will never, ever do so again.

So, I called animal control, and the moron who answered the phone blathered on until he talked to "an officer." Then he said that the officer would be out "to investigate." She came out (about 8 hours later) and took a report. Yes, the dog had a current rabies shot. No, I don't know anything about the skunk. Sure, go ahead and send the head off for rabies check. Everything was fine.

Three hours later, the phone rang.

The "investigator" was calling. She suddenly explained that they were not going to send the head off to determine if it had rabies (I didn't care, because the dog had his shots). But, oh, by the way -- I had three days to get a booster shot for the dog. And by the way, on Monday (this all happened on Saturday), the department would be following up to check on the rabies information I had provided them.

In other words, the call, as I interpreted it:

"You have three days to pay money to get another state-mandated shot, despite already having the state-mandated shot. If you do not, you will be jailed. And we are going to investigate you on Monday to determine if you already have the state-mandated shot. If the number you provided us does not match our records, we will also jail you."

Holy friggin crap.

I plan on doing not a damn thing on Monday. I already vaccinated my damn dog. If the damn vaccination isn't any good, why the hell did I vaccinate the dog? If the damn state wants to come take my dog, I will resist them. If they want to friggin arrest and jail me for not paying for a "booster" shot for the damn vaccination I already paid a state-mandated fee for, they can damn well arrest me. If the sorry-ass "animal investigator" calls me, I'm not answering the damn phone. If the sheriff shows up, he can stand outside and suck eggs until he breaks down my damn door over a damn "booster" shot.

Government really, really sucks. I've always known it, but this is more than enough for me. I've known government sucks, but this is I guess what it takes to make it personal.

I have to classify myself as an anarchist, if this is what government looks like.

the imaginary book

Seems I have a couple of new british fans from a board that is not taking new members. This means of course I cannot chat with them. I was going to toss up a short bit of verse for them, but really dont feel like putting the energy into clever word play about cigarettes and homosexuals....at the end of the day they happen to be wankers of the sort who live in grimy flats and probably smoke like a frenchmen (holding their smoke in a most "faggy" manner) and smell like an italian whore...or their mothers...but I repeat myself.

So chris and ashles, thank you for stopping by. If you make it to L.A. feel free to stop by the laugh factory in hollywood when I am on stage and dont forget to pick up a copy of my book on your way out....I might even be nice enough to sign it for you.

Soaring Heart

Like a hawk
On an updraft
Swift, rising
World opening
As a flower
On a summers morn
Does
My heart soar..
As cool water
Cascading
Riotous in the tumult
Of your absence
Serene in the gentleness
As you lay beside me
Does your love carve
Your name upon my heart
Deeper as it runs
Swift and true
Marking forever
The landscape of my soul
With you
And your love

We listen to folks
Say everyday
Don't worry about it
It'll be ok
As the bailouts fly
More money is spent
While regular folks
Barely make the rent
Fifty two million
Cast a vote
For a jug eared fool
Who's a shady joke
Now many of you
Have rightly concluded
The democrats
Are just deluded
You cannot fix
This mess of ours
Nationalizing banks
And makers of cars
We need some fiscal
Common sense
No more sitting
On the fence
It's time to tell
Those lazy jerks
Get off your ass
Get back to work
No one owes you
Nothing bub
But liberty
And here's the rub
The things you need
To live your life
A house, a car
A lovely wife
A job, some food
Healthcare too
To get these things
It's up to you
When these you get
From Uncle Sam
You steal our freedom
It's just a sham
The money I make
Should belong to me
To save or spend
It's mine you see
So take this warning
Heed it well
Your bailout plan
Was made in hell
Those who voted
For this thief
Will soon wake up
And learn of grief
When liberty's gone
And we're all slaves
We'll beg for death
And an early grave
So what will we give
For freedoms life
Are we willing
To sacrifice
Our fortunes, our honor
Even our lives
Knowing before
Great men did strive
And spill their blood
For liberty
How far will you go
I know for me
No cost too high
No price too steep
To live in freedom
And not as sheep
What price my friends
What will it be
To live as slaves
Not I says me
Rally up lads
The pipes are callin
And some of us
Will sure be fallin
But when we water
Libertys tree
With the blood of friend
And foe you see
She grows much larger
Her roots go deep
While 'neath her
Many brave men do sleep
We meet at dawn
The field to take
So find your heart
For Freedoms sake

The shot heard round the world
Led to freedom ringing clear
We've kept the fire burning bright
For two hundred plus years
Now the tide has turned agin us
Our freedom is being sold
Where is the courage we once had
The patriots so bold?
A once great country gasps her last
She withers in the field
While government as cancer grows
Lady Liberty does yield
So is this it? oh shall we quit?
Should freedom fade away?
Is this the final curtain call
Has freedom seen its day?
HELL NO I say as I rise up
My rifle in my hand
I'll not lose my liberty
I'll not lose my land
So stand with me brave patriots
Against the rushing tide
No longer shall we silent stand
No longer will we hide
No longer will their words hold sway
No longer will they steal
The freedom God has given us
No longer will we yield
We stand atop the parapets
Our trumpets blowing loud
To spread the truth of Freedoms Call
Throughout the gathering crowd
Grab your coat, pick up your gun
Take up the battle cry
Be ready for the coming war
And keep your powder dry

Kender MacGowan
3-18-2009

It's St. Pats day so have an ale
Or some Irish whiskey straight
And before the devil knows you're dead
May ye be at heavens gate
Drink up and sing of Danny Boy
And curse the English way
You'll never get no better folks
You're all Irish today

Tis a long way to tipperary
Or so the mintrel sings
Tis long way to ulster town
Lest you are blessed with wings
Tis a long way from birth to death
If a lucky clean life ya lead
Tis a long way from few to plenty
If ye dont plant the seed
Long travels I have roved thru lass
Long years upon the road
The longest trip a man can take
Is to a heart I'm told
But precious life has blessed to me
The knowledge of the heart
No matter the length of the road to your love
Its a short road to be apart
So tread softly and treat 'em right
Say nuthin to upset 'em
For if you anger a sweet colleen
You'll never get to wed 'em

I can now be found at the new dig for Kenders...click post title to be redirected

http://kender.wordpress.com/

Please make a note of it

Breitbarts article on Big Hollywood ridiculing celebrities for making a pledge to better the world and work with our new messi-I mean president after spending 8 long years denigrating the former President and making anyone who supported him want to strangle them for their arrogant stupidity is a work of genius, of course, because well, it's Breitbart. But he inspired me to put together my own pledge list, and the video version will hopefully be out soon.

I pledge to give as much of a chance to Obama as his sycophantic cultic moonbat contingent gave Bush for eight years

I pledge to contribute to global warming

I pledge to increase foreclosures on the unwashed masses

I pledge to exploit the poor and the weak

I pledge to grind my heel into the working mans back

I pledge to tell more racist jokes

I pledge to hire more illegals, and screw American workers

I pledge to pay my illegal workers lower wages

I pledge to destroy the environment

I pledge to club more baby seals

I pledge to wear more fur

I pledge to eat more meat

I pledge blindly hate people not like me

I pledge to be greedier

I pledge to be meaner

I pledge preach at you more, and tolerate you less

I pledge to work for war, because there is no money is peace

I pledge to laugh at stupid celebrities who think pledges will change the world

I pledge to be more close minded, spout more platitudes and believe in utterly empty kumbuy-friggin-yah measures while the wolves howl at the door.

What’s your pledge?

I pledge to treat their president as they treated mine, to treat them as they treated us, because together we can, together we are and together we will be following sheep.

What's your pledge?

PETA’s call to remake the image of fish by changing their name to “sea kitten” — a cuddly and adorable moniker to be sure — got me to thinking. Men have many euphemisms for female private parts. Renaming fish to sea kittens, while a warm and fuzzy thought, causes many problems and has the potential to sow massive confusion in the world.

First off, I am wondering, if we change the name of fish to sea kittens will we have a nickname for fish as we do for land cats? Land cats (for those who may live under a rock or are completely obtuse) are also called pussycats. I am certain I don’t have to lay out the obvious thought following the preceding one other than to say a whole new world opened up before me with PETA’s latest campaign.

The problems start with men and where our brains are located. Many women believe we tend to think with our stomachs. Other females believe our thought processes emanate from a little lower on the male anatomy. For us males, the prospect of confusing the pleasurable pastime of fishing and eating fish with the sometimes equally gratifying diversion of lovemaking will no doubt cause our brains to cramp up and our heads to explode, thus denuding planet Earth of males capable of reproducing.

But simply calling fish something cutesy sounding won’t change the fact that they are still slimy, pointy-headed, bug-eyed but tasty creatures. It’s the confusion sown by this radical change that will no doubt make speaking about carnal delights and lunch even more interchangeable and take the connection between them to a rhetorical level never before imagined except in the minds of perhaps Larry Flynt or Camille Paglia.

I am thinking a sea kitten sandwich sounds much more exotic than a “Filet-O-Fish,” but a seapussy sandwich is in the realm of the unknown. What about catfish? Would it now be catkitten? Or catpussy maybe? It’s probably a good thing former major league pitcher James “Catfish” Hunter has left this world otherwise he would have to be known as “Catkitten” Hunter — not the kind of nickname that would ordinarily land one in the Hall of Fame. And what about SpongeBob’s loyal sidekick Patrick the Starfish? Would he now be known as Patrick the Starkitten?

New troubles also arise in the world of sport fishing. When a man tells his wife he is going trolling, she’ll look askance at him while making certain he takes the boat with him when he leaves the house. After all, if you say you are heading out to go “kittening” and tell the wife you will be bringing some seapussy home for dinner, well, I can see the trouble brewing now with PETA’s misguided attempt to save the animals, even the tasty ones. Try it on your wife tonight and see what happens.

Other possible changes are whitefish being known as white kitten (whitepussy being trademarked by the aforementioned Mr. Flynt) and swordfish becoming sword kittens, which sounds a lot like some dagger-weilding, anime superhero. The problem of walking into a pet store and asking for kitten food is going to cause confusion not seen since Clinton muttered something about what the definition of “is” is.

On the other hand, I envision a whole new industry of sea kitten recipe books. The Brits would also have a grand time with this change of nomenclature. A nation that eagerly scarfs down pussy and chips at lunch every day may actually help bring about world peace. Millions of kids eating pussy sticks for school lunch, however, are certain to get Dobson and his bunch in an uproar.

Another great angle to this whole insane plan is the phrase “fishing expedition” to denote someone who is simply “casting about” in hopes of finding incriminating evidence. The phrase “sea kitten expedition” is simply too unwieldy, but the phrase “sea pussy expedition” makes it sound as it you are searching for lustful mermaids.

By far the most egregious changes which will take place must be the ones to be foisted on us when churches everywhere start giving sermons about the loaves and the sea kittens. No matter how awkward the phrase, get used to it because no preacher in his right mind is going to do a sermon on the loaves and the seapussies. (If you hear of one, let me know. Now that’s a sermon I don’t want to miss.)

This is obviously not a well thought out plan by the radical anti-people screwballs, and to tell you the truth, the concept of renaming fish as sea kittens has me laughing so hard I can barely type. It also makes me wonder if anyone at PETA gave an ounce of serious thought before saying, “Hey, yeah, let’s try to get people to associate fish with kittens.” However, that is not really the worst of it.

The worst comes when we get stuck on stupid and let a bunch of misguided goofballs start making us feel guilty for eating ugly animals that taste good in some sad attempt to save the planet. God gave us ugly animals so we wouldn’t feel bad about eating them. That’s a fact. It’s in the Bible somewhere.

At the end of the day I only have two questions running through my head. First, if sea kitten tastes so good might not land kitten be tasty also? And second, where can I go to get a tuna pussy taco?

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